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Writer for hire; pirate bandit (steals pirates); king of donut-penguins; remorseless liar. Lives mostly in his own head.
Hasn't done drugs, but acts all the time like he's a monkey junkie with the keys to an LSD-banana plantation.
Is harmless, but acts like he would kill over chocolate sprinkles AND has shagged absolutely everyone ever.
I have said next to nothing, but if you can decode this, you'll already know me.